How cool would it be if your name was Eringhaus? People would be like, "Don't fight that dude, he's a ******* house!" And if you were a girl, people could change the saying from "stacked like a brick house" to "stacked like an Eringhaus."
I once knew a girl who threw up on a carpet in a dorm room in Eringhaus. I'm not making this up. She was drunk and it was not her dorm room and she threw up on the floor. This was the floor of a girl named Sara. Sara's roommate was named Karen, and they had been randomly matched as roommates, much like another Sara-Karen combo in Joyner that same year. More on that later.
Anyway, this girl threw up on the floor in Sara's room (first Sara), after a bit of drinking. On the rug. Both the drinking and throwing up occurred on the rug, actually. Problem: the rug was Karen's rug, Karen was not friends with this girl and was not even in the room. Karen was just Sara's roommate, and that rug smelled the rest of the semester. Because of this girl.
I need to get Chris to read this because he knows these girls. Hang on.
So I'm dating this other Sara, not the Sara whose room got thrown up in in Ehringhaus. This is the Sara who lives on Kelly's hall in Joyner. Sara has this odd roommate named Karen--local girl who goes home every weekend, is not social, has parents who are geriatrics, loves Dr. Quinn, etc.
SHOWER SCENE:
One day Sara is taking a shower in the big hall bathroom, where lots of girls took showers and there were at least three shower stalls. Incidentally, despite being a women's bathroom in a women's dorm, there were also urinals, which I thought was a nice touch. Very welcoming.
It's like, beginning of spring semester. So January or so. Sara's and Karen's class schedules are similar, unlike fall semester, so for the first time ever they are taking showers at the same time (not in the same stall, mind you). Sara is whiling her time away in the shower doing God knows what, when she hears Karen call from the next stall over: "Sara! There's steam coming out of your shower!" You see, the stall walls didn't go up to the ceiling, so Karen could see the steam coming out.
Sara is confused by the comment, and says something like "Yeah? So?" Sara was (is) a Yankee so you can't really expect her to be polite.
Karen replies "Does that mean you have hot water?" and Sara, rather more filled perplexion, is again like "Yeah, so?" and Karen says--wait for it--"How do you get hot water to come out of the shower?"
Sara explains that you turn the shower handle all the way around. Karen is quite delighted, because she had been taking cold showers for the ENTIRE FALL SEMESTER. No wonder she went home every weekend.
The other Weird Karen story is shorter but weirder.
So like I said, this girl went home every weekend. I should interject, actually, that she was always very nice, just not that up on how to be a kid, as it were. So she'd go home and chill with her geriatric parents, who came to pick her up every weekend and drive her back to Sanford or wherever.
So she's gone for the weekend, and Sara decides to go through her drawers. I mean, her chest of drawers. Karen's. Which is admittedly a little wrong but you know this girl was weird so you had to do it because what if she had a sword in there or something.
Well, as Sara is rifling through the drawers (that's one of the accepted things to rifle through), she finds a ton of sealed ziploc bags. Inside each ziploc bag is a single pair of underwear.
TRUE STORY.
Obviously we could never ask Karen about this situation, because we could not admit we had rifled her drawers.
One evening me and Anthony went over to Sara and Karen's room for some completely unknown reason. God knows why. Anthony took his new Nirvana In Utero CD that he had just purchased--He and I had become infatuated with Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle even though we had no idea who Frances Farmer was or why she was mad at Chief Seattle, whom we had learned about in 8th grade.
Karen had okayed this incursion upon her space--according to Sara--despite the fact that she was "going to bed early, like, right now." So we get there and Karen is curled up on the bunk bed with socks on her hands. I think it was the bottom bunk and Sara slept on top, but I don't remember for sure. So, Karen has these socks on her hands and is feigning sleep. Anthony says something like "Sara, why the hell does Karen have socks on her hands?"
Sara says "She coats her hands with a ton of moisturizer to keep them soft. She puts socks on them when she sleeps so the moisturizer doesn't rub off on her sheets, which would prevent efficient moisturization whilst greasing up her linens. The socks effectively kill two birds with one stone."
We thought that was dumb but whatever. Anyway, Sara assured us that Karen had said we wouldn't bother her, and not to worry about the fact that Karen is over there trying to sleep. With socks on her hands, I kid you not, that part was not a joke. Right. So, Anthony puts on a Nirvana CD and skips to Frances Farmer track, which has all this raucous distortion and screaming and whatnot. We didn't turn if up loud, because let's face it, that would have been rude what with Karen sleeping right there in the room. Nonetheless, we did jump around as silently as possible and do some screaming sotto voce, as they say in Italy.
Next day, we find out from Sara that Karen was actually not pleased with all the Nirvana and the jumping and the whatnot while she was "trying to sleep" but you never would have known it at the time.
Karen later got her sleep revenge on Sara, however, because Karen got this boyfriend named Kelly who used to come over to that very same dorm room and make out with Karen right there in the bottom (?) bunk while Sara was trying to sleep in the top bunk.
I have another Sara and Karen story that I will post presently.
Here is another college story--also from my freshman year which is when almost all my stories are from.
It's like three weeks into the school year, and Anthony and I had made a couple of new friends in Sara and this throw-up-on-Karen's-carpet (TUOKC) chick, whom we'll just call TUOK from now on for her own protection. We were all trying to make other new friends as well at this point, and Anthony in particular is trying to re-meet all the losers he met during his classic summer orientation session, C-TOPS. Don't ask me what C-TOPS stood for because I don't remember. We'll guess that it means "Carolina's Tireless Orientation and Propaganda Session" because it seemed to last 18 months.
One night in the ol' dorm room the phone rings and Anthony picks it up. Here is what I hear of the conversation.
Anthony: "Hello.....oh, hi......yeah, I remember you.....pretty good, how are you?......Tuesday? Um...yeah. Where?.....Okay, that sounds good.....Good to talk to you too. See you then."
Anthony hangs up on the phone and says "That was weird. Some girl named Deborah called up and says she knows me from C-TOPS but I don't remember her. I was embarrassed so I said I remembered her, but I have no idea who she is. I'm having lunch with her on Tuesday."
I said, "Maybe you'll remember her when you see her. She could have been one of those people that you talked to but never caught her name or something."
He said, "I hope so."
Well, Tuesday rolls around and I don't see Anthony until that evening at dinner. He says "That stupid ***** didn't show up. She stood me up." We discussed that for a while--dinner scene that night was probably me, Anthony, Sara, TUOK, and Marc, which was a pretty standard crowd for that semester. We generally played hacky sack afterward in the pit.
Anthony never heard from Deborah again.
Time passed.
One night we are all drinking in the ol' dorm room and probably playing I never and THE TRUTH COMES OUT. People, you won't believe this, but the devilish character of Deborah was played by....Karen! Apparently, and Anthony and I had no knowledge of this event, at some point during the first few weeks of school Anthony pissed off Sara and TUOK. Unbeknownst to us. Kindlyly, however, they did not tell us, instead constructing the elaborate ploy of "Deborah" to punish Anthony by playing upon him this cruel, cruel trick.
In her defense, the dear sweet Karen we knew (who allowed us to throw up on her carpet and stomp Nirvana on her floor) did not at that point actually know Anthony very well. By the time she came clean with us, we were stunned that anyone so sweet could do such a devilish thing.
What were the IM fields? That field by Eringhaus?
ReplyDeleteHow cool would it be if your name was Eringhaus? People would be like, "Don't fight that dude, he's a ******* house!" And if you were a girl, people could change the saying from "stacked like a brick house" to "stacked like an Eringhaus."
I once knew a girl who threw up on a carpet in a dorm room in Eringhaus. I'm not making this up. She was drunk and it was not her dorm room and she threw up on the floor. This was the floor of a girl named Sara. Sara's roommate was named Karen, and they had been randomly matched as roommates, much like another Sara-Karen combo in Joyner that same year. More on that later.
Anyway, this girl threw up on the floor in Sara's room (first Sara), after a bit of drinking. On the rug. Both the drinking and throwing up occurred on the rug, actually. Problem: the rug was Karen's rug, Karen was not friends with this girl and was not even in the room. Karen was just Sara's roommate, and that rug smelled the rest of the semester. Because of this girl.
I need to get Chris to read this because he knows these girls. Hang on.
Alright, Weird Karen story #1.
ReplyDeleteSo I'm dating this other Sara, not the Sara whose room got thrown up in in Ehringhaus. This is the Sara who lives on Kelly's hall in Joyner. Sara has this odd roommate named Karen--local girl who goes home every weekend, is not social, has parents who are geriatrics, loves Dr. Quinn, etc.
SHOWER SCENE:
One day Sara is taking a shower in the big hall bathroom, where lots of girls took showers and there were at least three shower stalls. Incidentally, despite being a women's bathroom in a women's dorm, there were also urinals, which I thought was a nice touch. Very welcoming.
It's like, beginning of spring semester. So January or so. Sara's and Karen's class schedules are similar, unlike fall semester, so for the first time ever they are taking showers at the same time (not in the same stall, mind you). Sara is whiling her time away in the shower doing God knows what, when she hears Karen call from the next stall over: "Sara! There's steam coming out of your shower!" You see, the stall walls didn't go up to the ceiling, so Karen could see the steam coming out.
Sara is confused by the comment, and says something like "Yeah? So?" Sara was (is) a Yankee so you can't really expect her to be polite.
Karen replies "Does that mean you have hot water?" and Sara, rather more filled perplexion, is again like "Yeah, so?" and Karen says--wait for it--"How do you get hot water to come out of the shower?"
Sara explains that you turn the shower handle all the way around. Karen is quite delighted, because she had been taking cold showers for the ENTIRE FALL SEMESTER. No wonder she went home every weekend.
The other Weird Karen story is shorter but weirder.
ReplyDeleteSo like I said, this girl went home every weekend. I should interject, actually, that she was always very nice, just not that up on how to be a kid, as it were. So she'd go home and chill with her geriatric parents, who came to pick her up every weekend and drive her back to Sanford or wherever.
So she's gone for the weekend, and Sara decides to go through her drawers. I mean, her chest of drawers. Karen's. Which is admittedly a little wrong but you know this girl was weird so you had to do it because what if she had a sword in there or something.
Well, as Sara is rifling through the drawers (that's one of the accepted things to rifle through), she finds a ton of sealed ziploc bags. Inside each ziploc bag is a single pair of underwear.
TRUE STORY.
Obviously we could never ask Karen about this situation, because we could not admit we had rifled her drawers.
Your blog invited terrible dreams of the "one's name we shall not mention" last night. Thank You.
ReplyDeleteShe's the one who threw up on Karen's rug, yo.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome!
Here's another Sara and Karen story.
ReplyDeleteOne evening me and Anthony went over to Sara and Karen's room for some completely unknown reason. God knows why. Anthony took his new Nirvana In Utero CD that he had just purchased--He and I had become infatuated with Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle even though we had no idea who Frances Farmer was or why she was mad at Chief Seattle, whom we had learned about in 8th grade.
Karen had okayed this incursion upon her space--according to Sara--despite the fact that she was "going to bed early, like, right now." So we get there and Karen is curled up on the bunk bed with socks on her hands. I think it was the bottom bunk and Sara slept on top, but I don't remember for sure. So, Karen has these socks on her hands and is feigning sleep. Anthony says something like "Sara, why the hell does Karen have socks on her hands?"
Sara says "She coats her hands with a ton of moisturizer to keep them soft. She puts socks on them when she sleeps so the moisturizer doesn't rub off on her sheets, which would prevent efficient moisturization whilst greasing up her linens. The socks effectively kill two birds with one stone."
We thought that was dumb but whatever. Anyway, Sara assured us that Karen had said we wouldn't bother her, and not to worry about the fact that Karen is over there trying to sleep. With socks on her hands, I kid you not, that part was not a joke. Right. So, Anthony puts on a Nirvana CD and skips to Frances Farmer track, which has all this raucous distortion and screaming and whatnot. We didn't turn if up loud, because let's face it, that would have been rude what with Karen sleeping right there in the room. Nonetheless, we did jump around as silently as possible and do some screaming sotto voce, as they say in Italy.
Next day, we find out from Sara that Karen was actually not pleased with all the Nirvana and the jumping and the whatnot while she was "trying to sleep" but you never would have known it at the time.
Karen later got her sleep revenge on Sara, however, because Karen got this boyfriend named Kelly who used to come over to that very same dorm room and make out with Karen right there in the bottom (?) bunk while Sara was trying to sleep in the top bunk.
I have another Sara and Karen story that I will post presently.
Oh snap
ReplyDeleteNot only did Karen have this boyfriend Kelly, but Sara later shared an apartment with a DIFFERENT Kelly.
I tell you all, these people, they all had the same names.
Here is another college story--also from my freshman year which is when almost all my stories are from.
ReplyDeleteIt's like three weeks into the school year, and Anthony and I had made a couple of new friends in Sara and this throw-up-on-Karen's-carpet (TUOKC) chick, whom we'll just call TUOK from now on for her own protection. We were all trying to make other new friends as well at this point, and Anthony in particular is trying to re-meet all the losers he met during his classic summer orientation session, C-TOPS. Don't ask me what C-TOPS stood for because I don't remember. We'll guess that it means "Carolina's Tireless Orientation and Propaganda Session" because it seemed to last 18 months.
One night in the ol' dorm room the phone rings and Anthony picks it up. Here is what I hear of the conversation.
Anthony: "Hello.....oh, hi......yeah, I remember you.....pretty good, how are you?......Tuesday? Um...yeah. Where?.....Okay, that sounds good.....Good to talk to you too. See you then."
Anthony hangs up on the phone and says "That was weird. Some girl named Deborah called up and says she knows me from C-TOPS but I don't remember her. I was embarrassed so I said I remembered her, but I have no idea who she is. I'm having lunch with her on Tuesday."
I said, "Maybe you'll remember her when you see her. She could have been one of those people that you talked to but never caught her name or something."
He said, "I hope so."
Well, Tuesday rolls around and I don't see Anthony until that evening at dinner. He says "That stupid ***** didn't show up. She stood me up." We discussed that for a while--dinner scene that night was probably me, Anthony, Sara, TUOK, and Marc, which was a pretty standard crowd for that semester. We generally played hacky sack afterward in the pit.
Anthony never heard from Deborah again.
Time passed.
One night we are all drinking in the ol' dorm room and probably playing I never and THE TRUTH COMES OUT. People, you won't believe this, but the devilish character of Deborah was played by....Karen! Apparently, and Anthony and I had no knowledge of this event, at some point during the first few weeks of school Anthony pissed off Sara and TUOK. Unbeknownst to us. Kindlyly, however, they did not tell us, instead constructing the elaborate ploy of "Deborah" to punish Anthony by playing upon him this cruel, cruel trick.
In her defense, the dear sweet Karen we knew (who allowed us to throw up on her carpet and stomp Nirvana on her floor) did not at that point actually know Anthony very well. By the time she came clean with us, we were stunned that anyone so sweet could do such a devilish thing.