Saturday, August 11, 2012
The Phantom Menace: Meet...C-3PO??
In our most recent installment, Qui-Gon and Padme pay a visit to Lil Anakin and his mom. And his new creation, C-3PO.
See comment section for our criticism of this scene.
Script copyright George Lucas
Script excerpted from this site:
http://www.supershadow.com/star_wars/episode_1/the_phantom_menace/script.html
EXT. MOS ESPA - SLAVE QUARTERS - STREET - SANDSTORM - DAY
The wind is blowing hard as QUI-GON, JAR JAR, and PADME follow
ANAKIN down the street and into a slave hovel.
INT. ANAKIN'S HOVEL - MAIN ROOM - DAY
QUI-GON, JAR JAR, ARTOO, and PADME enter a small living space.
ANAKIN
Mom! Mom! I'm home.
JAR JAR
Dissen cozy.
Anakin's mother, SHMI SKYWALKER, a warm, friendly woman of
forty, enters from her work area and is startled to see the
room full of people.
SHMI
Oh, my!! Annie, what's this?
ANAKIN
These are my friends, Mom. This is
Padme, and...gee, I don't know any
of your names.
QUI-GON
I'm Qui-Gon Jinn, and this is Jar
Jar Binks. ARTOO lets out a little
beep.
PADME
...and our droid, Artoo-Detoo.
ANAKIN
I'm building a droid. You wanna see?
SHMI
Anakin! Why are they here?
ANAKIN
A sandstorm, Mom. Listen.
The wind HOWLS outside.
QUI-GON
Your son was kind enough to offer us
shelter.
ANAKIN
Come on! Let me show you Threepio!
ANAKIN leads PADME into the other room. ARTOO follows, beeping
all the way.
QUI-GON takes five small capsules from his utility belt and
hands them to SHMI.
QUI-GON
I have enough food for a meal.
SHMI
Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.
I'm sorry if I was abrupt. I'll never
get used to Anakin's surprises.
QUI-GON
He's a very special boy.
SHMI looks at him as if he's discovered a secret.
SHMI
Yes, I know.
INT. ANAKIN'S HOVEL - BEDROOM - DAY
ANAKIN shows off his ANDROID, which is lying on his workbench.
There is one eye in the head; the body, arms, and legs have
no outer coverings.
ANAKIN
Isn't he great?! He's not finished
yet.
PADME
He's wonderful!
ANAKIN
You reall like him? He's a protocol
droid...to help Mom. Watch!
ANAKIN pushes a switch, and the DROID sits up. Anakin rushes
around, grabs an eye and puts it in one of the sockets.
THREEPIO
How do you do, I am See-Threepio,
Human Cyborg Relations. How might I
serve you?
PADME
He's perfect.
ANAKIN
When the storm is over, you can see
my racer. I'm building a Podracer!
PADME smiles at his enthusiasm. ARTOO lets out a flurry of
beeps and whistles.
THREEPIO
I beg your pardon... what do you
mean I'm naked?
ARTOO BEEPS
THREEPIO
My parts are showing? Oh, my goodness.
How embarrassing!
INT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - QUEENS CHAMBERS
AMIDALA, EIRTAE, RABE, and OBI-WAN watch a very bad
transmission of a SIO BIBBLE hologram.
BIBBLE
...cut off all food supplies until
you return... the death toll is
catastrophic... we must bow to their
wishes, Your Highness...Please tell
us what to do! If you can hear us,
Your Highness, you must contact me...
AMIDALA looks upset...almost nervous.
OBI-WAN
It's a trick. Send no reply... Send
no transmission of any kind.
INT. ANAKIN'S HOVEL - MAIN ROOM - DAY
QUI-GON listens to his comlink. OBI-WAN is in the cockpit.
OBI-WAN
...the Queen is upset... but absolutly
no reply was sent.
QUI-GON
It sounds like bait to establish a
connection trace.
OBI-WAN
What if it is true and the people
are dying?
QUI-GON
Either way, we're running out of
time.
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Only two small comments. Okay, one small and one big.
ReplyDelete1. We're back to infantile Anakin. "Gee whiz! See my android!"
2. WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS ANAKIN SKYWALKER DOING MAKING C-3PO????? HOW FREAKING STUPID IS THAT???
a. Stupid because it's a gigantic coincidence
b. Stupid because it's far beyond an 8-year-old's capabilities, regardless of genius
c. Stupid because there's no mention of it in the original trilogy
That said, I kinda like the interplay between R2 and 3PO. That's the quick-hitting humor we need in space opera.
The Obi-Wan bit sets up well the trace that's established AND that Amidala is not who we think she is. Well done.
Alright, more stuff. I can't stop thinking about this trainwreck of an idea.
ReplyDelete1. Small thing: Why the crap does Shmi Skywalker need a protocol droid to help her? I missed that. Maybe it is explained later. Maybe we never find out what she does. I don't know.
2. Big thing: Back to this Darth Vader making C-3PO thing again. It's TOO gigantic of a coincidence. Look at C-3PO. He is a perfectly ordinary protocol droid. He never does anything miraculous or heroic. He's no R2-D2. He does his job. Heck, if he'd been more assertive he might have actually helped out Han and Leia when he knew the hyperdrive was busted back in Empire.
So where am I going with this? Here. What exactly is the point of the Great Darth Vader having built a perfectly ordinary protocol droid that looks just like tons of others we see in these movies? There's nothing so awesome about C-3PO that requires he must have been built by some Boy Jedi Progidy Genius. He's totally average. Which makes it an EXTREME coincidence that this totally average, ordinary protocol droid (who gets his memory wiped at the end of III, no less) happens wind up smack dab in the middle of cataclysmic galactic events half a dozen times over two generations. HE'S JUST NOT THAT SPECIAL.
And another thing, which I should probably post somewhere else but I'm sure no one is looking at the old posts much:
ReplyDeleteWhy exactly is the Trade Federation INVADING Naboo? I mean, boycotts, blockades, INVASION? We don't even know that fight is ABOUT, and yet it apparently sets in motion the entire course of events that leads to the fall of first the Republic and then the Empire, both the destruction and the rebirth of the Jedi.
Why? A "dispute?" What does the Trade Federation get out of invading Naboo? The exclusive rights to trade widgets to Gungans?
Haha.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it just doesn't translate well to English from that particular Galactic dialect, so Lucas Anglicized. Like what Tolkien did with the hobbit names in LOTR.
I think it's clear that Lucas put just as much thought into backstory as Tolkien did. Amiright?
hahahaha
ReplyDeletestill laughing at "Annie."
Don't worry, Heelzebub. The sun will come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar.
Exactly. Ugh.
ReplyDeletePerhaps now would be an appropriate time to insert this link to the classic Eddie Izzard bit:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5iEK-IEzw
I enjoyed that a lot more than most of this movie.
ReplyDeleteAlright, so Finn has me reading his Star Wars character encyclopedia. There's some droid who ends up in Jabba's palace and becomes Jabba's head droid torturer. You may remember him from this scene in Jedi:
ReplyDeletehttp://take148.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/rotj2.jpg
Maybe THIS dude was made by Darth Vader. Make a little more sense? Plus we've got two evil droid options...and they are both on Tatooine a generation later. It provides a cutesy Lucasy connection between prequel and original, PLUS it actually is consistent with the story! Amazing!
Candidate 1: EV-9D9
http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/EV-9D9
Candidate 2: 8D8
http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/8D8
9D9 in particular looks like a dude created by an evil Sith boy genius.
Nice bonus here is that no one knows what those droids' names are in Jedi, so the only people that might be struck by the mild coincidence are the total Star Wars geeks who are probably drooling all over themselves looking for just such obscure connections.
The challenge now will be to maintain a 3PO-like humor in this future evildoer. But who says the evil can't be funny?
I'm pouting because I was told we weren't allowed to use wookieepedia.
ReplyDeleteI kind of like this idea, because I was a Star Wars geek drooling over such things until Lucas lost his mind.
So we're writing 3PO out entirely? Good.
It's tricky because I really like the R2D2-C3PO banter. It's beautiful. But hey, if it's R1D1 and EV-9D9, is it just as good?
ReplyDeleteOkay, probably not. But the situation is not as intellectually insulting.