Thursday, June 21, 2012
Phantom Menace: Meet Jar-Jar Binks
You knew it was coming. The most infamous scene in the movie. The advent of Jar-Jar Binks.
Script excerpted from this site:
http://www.supershadow.com/star_wars/episode_1/the_phantom_menace/script.html
copyright George Lucas
EXT. SPACE LANDING CRAFT - TWILIGHT (FX)
Six landing craft fly in formation toward the surface of the
planet Naboo.
EXT. NABOO SWAMP - SHALLOW LAKE - TWILIGHT
Three landing craft slowly descend through the cloud cover
of the perpetually gray twilight side of the planet. One by
one, the Federation warships land in the eerie swamp. OBI-
WAN's head emerges from the mud of a shallow lake. For in
the background, the activities of the invasion force can be
seen in the mist.
OBI-WAN takes several deep breaths, then dissapears again
under the muddy swamp. Troop Transports (MTT's) emerge from
the landing craft.
EXT. NABOO EDGE OF SWAMP / GRASS PLAINS - TWILIGHT (FX)
The droid invasion force moves out of the swamp and onto a
grassy plain.
OOM-9, in his tank, looks out over the vast ARMY marching
across the rolling hills. A small hologram of RUNE and NUTE
stands on the tank.
RUNE
...and there is no trace of the Jedi.
They may have gotton onto one of
your landing craft.
OOM-9
If they are down here, sir, we'll
find them. We are moving out of the
swamp and are marching on the cities.
We are meeting no resistance.
NUTE
Excellent.
EXT. NABOO SWAMP - TWILIGHT
QUI-GON runs through the strange landscape, glancing back to
see the monstrous troop transports, emerging from the mist.
Animals begin to run past him in a panic.
An odd, frog-like Gungan, JAR JAR INKS, squats holding a
clam he has retrieved from the murky swamp. The shell pops
open. JAR JAR's greta tongue snaps out and grabs the clam,
swallowing it in one gulp.
JAR JAR looks up and sees QUI-GON and the other creatures
running like the wind toward him. One of the huge MTT's bears
down on the JEDI like a charging locomotive. JAR JAR stands
transfixed, still holding the clam shell in one hand.
JAR JAR
Oh, noooooooooo!
JAR JAR drops the shell and grabs onto QUI-GON as he passes.
The JEDI is caught by surprise.
JAR JAR
Hey, help me! Help me!!
QUI-GON
Let go!
The machine is about tp crush them as QUI-GON drags JAR JAR
behind him. Just as the transport is about to hit them, QUI-
GON drops, and JAR JAR goes splat into the mud with him. The
transport races overhead.
QUI-GON and JAR JAR pull themselves out of the mud. They
stand watching the war machine dissapear into the mist. JAR
JAR grabs QUI-GON and hugs him.
JAR JAR
Oyi, mooie-mooie! I luv yous!
The frog-like creature kisses the JEDI.
QUI-GON
Are you brainless? You almost got us
killed!
JAR JAR
I spake.
QUI-GON
The ability to speak does not make
you intelligent. Now get outta here!
QUI-GON starts to move off, and JAR JAR follows.
JAR JAR
No...no! Mesa stay...Mesa yous humble
servaunt.
QUI-GON
That wont be necessary.
JAR JAR
Oh boot tis! Tis demunded byda guds.
Tis a live debett, tis. Mesa culled
Jaja Binkss.
In the distance, two STAPS burst out of the mist at high
speed, chasing OBI-WAN.
QUI-GON
I have no time for this now...
JAR JAR
Say what?
The two STAPS barrell down on OBI-WAN.
JAR JAR
Oh, nooooo! Weesa ganna....
QUI-GON throws JAR JAR into the mud.
QUI-GON
Stay down!
His head pops up.
JAR JAR
...dieeee!
The two troops fire laser bolts at OBI-WAN. QUI-GON deflects
the bolts back, and the STAPS blow up. One-two. OBI-WAN is
exhausted and tries to catch his breath.
OBI-WAN
Sorry, Master, the water fried my
weapon.
OBI-WAN pulls out his burnt laser sword handle. QUI-GON
inspects it, as JAR JAR pulls himself out of the mud.
QUI-GON
You forgot to turn your power off
again, didn't you?
OBI-WAN nods sheeplishly.
QUI-GON
It won't take long to recharge, but
this is a lesson I hope you've
learned, my young Padawan.
OBI-WAN
Yes, Master.
JAR JAR
Yousa sav-ed my again, hey?
OBI-WAN
What's this?
QUI-GON
A local. Let's go, before more of
those droids show up.
JAR JAR
Mure? Mure did you spake??!?
OBI-WAN and QUI-GON start to run. JAR JAR tries to keep up.
JAR JAR
Ex-squeeze me, but da moto grande
safe place would be Otoh Gunga. Tis
where I grew up...Tis safe city.
They all stop.
QUI-GON
A city!
(JAR JAR nods his
head)
Can you take us there?
JAR JAR
Ahhh, will...on second taut...no,
not willy.
QUI-GON
No??!
JAR JAR
Iss embarrissing, boot... My afrai
my've bean banished. My forgoten der
Bosses would do terrible tings to
my. Terrible tings if my goen back
dare.
A PULSATING SOUND is heard in the distance.
QUI-GON
You hear that?
JAR JAR shakes his head yes.
QUI-GON
That's the sound of a thousand
terrible things heading this way...
OBI-WAN
When they find us, they will crush
us, grind us into little pieces,
then blast us into oblivion!
JAR JAR
Oh! Yousa point is well seen. Dis
way! Hurry!
JAR JAR turns and runs into the swamp.
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This is an easy one. Just tone Jar Jar down and we're fine.
ReplyDelete1. Make him a normal guy, not a freaking cartton.
2. Kill the accent. Adds nothing.
3. Make him sheepish when he explains the life debt:
"Well, actually, I am in your debt and am now your servant. It's not a choice, really. Sorry. The Gods, you know?"
Heck, if Lucas is so hot on getting a kid character into this film, make Jar Jar the kid instead of Anakin. A 13-year-old in this role is fine. He could have run off from the city after being mad at his Dad or something, which would explain an initial reluctance to go back. Plus, you get to ditch him after the interview with the Gungans, and replace Jar Jar the guide with a freaking badass Gungan Han Solo character. A soundrel! Don't we need a scoundrel?
And this reminds me: This is the first scene in Phantom Menace where the CGI started to REALLY bug me. It looks like Qui-Gon and Obi Wan are running around in freaking What Dreams May Come. Is this Who Framed Roger Rabbit all of a sudden?
It's hard to feel terrified when Qui-Gon is about to be stepped on by a drawing. Oh no! Paper cut!
God help me. I need to settle down for a while before I can proceed. Seriously, this scene makes my blood boil. Flames... on the side of my face...
ReplyDeleteI'll be back.
Ok, so I'm back. I still don't understand why we need comic relief at all. Even if we do, I don't understand why it needs to be offensive. And I don't understand why we need to make this character stick around for 3 movies. I LOVE your idea to have a gungan scoundrel show up. But we're still stuck with CGI interacting with real people. I get that the technology is vastly superior to 1977, but it's still pretty crap.
ReplyDeleteI guess I have to settle for just toning him down. Did kids actually like Jar Jar? I digress. I could deal with a mildly entertaining fuck-up. I CANNOT deal with this buffoon. And then in typical prequel fashion, he goes and becomes IMPORTANT. The hell?!? It is absolutely unbelievable.
Question: if we go with the Gungan scoundrel approach, whence our much-needed comic relief?
Yeah, I'm not sure we need comic relief per se. It's C-3PO that provides it more or less during the original trilogy, and he performs well enough in that role again during his appearance in Phantom Menace.
ReplyDeleteAnd there's no reason at all for Jar Jar to become important later. Seriously, you put him in front of the Senate and let him talk?
My brother tells me his kids loved Jar Jar, for what it's worth. To which I say, my kid LOVES the original trilogy now and he's 2. Star Wars has built in kid appeal. You don't need this junk.
What a terrible scene. Here you begin to sense that Lucas taken the internally consistent (if Saturday morning serialish) story of the original movies, which had a certain dignity, and set up about turning them into jokey, forgettable action-adventure-comedy. Space opera needs some grandeur to counteract its inherent infeasibility--here we're turning into a Saturday morning cartoon. It's more Ewoks and Droids (http://scifi.about.com/od/starwars/a/SWAR_Ewoks-Droids_face.htm) than it is Empire Strikes Back. Don't remember Ewoks and Droids? Yeah, not surprising.
I remember Ewoks and Droids. Even I wasn't a big enough SW fan to watch them.
ReplyDeleteI think this is actually one of the critical failures of the trilogy, and you've put your finger on it exactly - the grandeur of space opera is compromised. Not just by fucking Jar Jar, but by "you're not like sand" or whatever that hideous tripe was.
Also... if his life debt is to Qui Gon, why can't we ditch him at the end of this movie? Do they cover that?
Great point. He should have killed himself when he failed to defend Qui Gon from Darth Maul.
ReplyDeleteJar Jar gets a "medal" at the end of this movie, I think, but I'm not sure why. It's not like he defeated the Droid army. His sole accomplishment is leading the Jedi to the hidden city, from what I remember. And any Gungan could have done that.
I guess he also "leads" the Jedi through the underwater core to reach Amidala's palace?
I agree - C3PO is all the comedy needed.
ReplyDeleteBear in mind that I watched this movie once and if the kids watched it I left. So my memory is suspect although the blithering disappointing failure of this movie burned it into my brain matter.
Nobody has explained the purpose of the invasion! What is the point? Give me something to emphathize!
The whole idea of Jedis putting up with this anchor, hell he is beyond an anchor. anchors are passive, and this guy is an active drag on their efforts. Hell, as long as you are fixing the plot, maybe Jar-Jar should be a plant of Sidious? That would be a great twist.
I guess we should stay with the general plot. Lucas has everything he needs to have a fantastic movie here. Minimize Jar-Jar or clean him up into a competent local.
Jar Jar as a Sidious plant might be hard to believe, but it's easy to see Jar Jar (or my Gungan scoundrel) later falling under Sidious's influence once they get to Coruscant. Something to think about for next year, when we start the rewrite.
ReplyDeleteWe'll also need to come up with a plausible reason for invading Naboo. Not sure we need much. Dilithium mines or the galaxy's only source of Spice or Naboo providing political asylum to some revolutionary or something.
And while we get nailed with Jar Jar, let's look at the bright side at this point: There are no dragons. There is no time travel.